I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There's even glitter on my cock...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
