Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There's always time for handjobs
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
