when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
