You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
