if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my shit smells like andre
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
