he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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