Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
