I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
