On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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