i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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