and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
