I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
