Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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