I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
