Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So vagazzling was a success
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
