Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Someone came in the potted fern
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
