I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
