Screwed.edu
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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