I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
