I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
