I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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