Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
