You just made me feel so damn special
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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