yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
