Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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