just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
vagina is talking i cant
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
