When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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