If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
