I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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