It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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