I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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