Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
