I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
