So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
