Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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