I accidentally had phone sex last night
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
