That's when you crack a 10am beer
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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