Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
