dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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