Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
