Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
