I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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