Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
