those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
