I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
