you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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