This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
