There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
