im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
