i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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