I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
