am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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