Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
