it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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