I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
