My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
