He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
