4 words: hood of his car
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
