if only i could text you this smell
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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