dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
