YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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