3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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