hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love you. Go after that dick
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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