That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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