I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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