You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
