Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize