noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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