**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
