So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
